What Does It Spell?
by Spastic Spastic
Summary: James Evans Wilson. House notices right away what is odd about it and decides to write a Jewish tune to Twelve Days of Christmas. 'On the first day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me . . .' because someone just had to.


**Title: What Does It Spell?**

**Summary: James Evans Wilson. House notices right away what is odd about it and decides to write a Jewish tune to Twelve Days of Christmas. 'On the first day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me . . .' because someone just had to.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own House.**

**A/N: I am NOT making fun of Jewish people in this fic. I'd never do that. Just poking fun at Wilson's name. I learned his middle name from wikipedia so it HAS to be right.**

IIIII

"You do realize what your initials are, right?" House said.

"No, in fact, I've never noticed," sarcasm dripped in Wilson's voice. "Or maybe I've missed my whole entire childhood filled with that meaningless conversation of whether it was on purpose or not."

"_J as in _James. _E _as in Evans. _W_ as in Wilson. J.E.W. Jew, Jew, Jew," said House shaking his head. "Your parents are cruel."

"Believe it or not they didn't notice until fifth grade. Someone kept laughing and said to congratulate my parents on the joke."

"Did you congratulate them?"

"Yeah, sure, if you mean by coming home pissed that they did that to me. I mean it is too convenient and I was angry for a moment thinking that they did it on purpose. I mean, I'm Jewish, but that doesn't mean you get to spell out my initials for JEW!"

"Did they ever do 'On The First Day of Hanukkah' song?" House inquired.

"Er, no."

"They should."

IIIII

The next day, as Wilson was coming into his office in the morning, there was a paper stuck to his door for all to witness. A horrible creation of the worst kind. Either meant to embarrass, joke, or be complete jerk, Wilson was night sure. Maybe all three.

_On the First Day Of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,_

_A really, really funny name._

_On the second day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,_

_Two dogs high on Vicodin,_

_And a really, really funny name._

_On the third day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,_

_Three failed marriages,_

_Two dogs high on Vicodin,_

_And a really, really funny name._

_On the fourth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,_

_Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,_

_Three failed marriages,_

_Two dogs high on Vicodin,_

_And a really, really funny name._

_On the fifth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,_

_Five broken canes!_

_Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,_

_Three failed marriages,_

_Two dogs high on Vicodin,_

_And a really, really funny name._

_On the sixth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,_

_Six boring lectures on ethics,_

_Five broken canes!_

_Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,_

_Three failed marriages,_

_Two dogs high on Vicodin,_

_And a really, really funny name._

_On the seventh day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,_

_Seven tips on how to date,_

_Six boring lectures on ethics,_

_Five broken canes!_

_Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,_

_Three failed marriages,_

_Two dogs high on Vicodin,_

_And a really, really funny name._

_On the eighth day of Hanukkah my oncologist __gave to me__, (stole from him)_

_Eight bags of chips,_

_Seven tips on how to date,_

_Six boring lectures on ethics,_

_Five broken canes!_

_Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,_

_Three failed marriages,_

_Two dogs high on Vicodin,_

_And a really, really funny name._

_On the ninth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,_

_Nine loans of money I don't need,_

_Eight (stolen) bags of chips,_

_Seven tips on how to date,_

_Six boring lectures on ethics,_

_Five broken canes!_

_Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,_

_Three failed marriages,_

_Two dogs high on Vicodin,_

_And a really, really funny name._

_On the tenth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,_

_Ten warnings to stay away from Stacy,_

_Nine loans of money I don't need,_

_Eight (stolen) bags of chips,_

_Seven tips on how to date,_

_Six boring lectures on ethics,_

_Five broken canes!_

_Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,_

_Three failed marriages,_

_Two dogs high on Vicodin,_

_And a really, really funny name._

_On the eleventh day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,_

_Eleven 'professional masseuses',_

_Ten warnings to stay away from Stacy,_

_Nine loans of money I don't need,_

_Eight bags of chips,_

_Seven tips on how to date,_

_Six boring lectures on ethics,_

_Five broken canes!_

_Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,_

_Three failed marriages,_

_Two dogs high on Vicodin,_

_And a really, really funny name._

_On the twelfth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,_

_Twelve Vicodin to cure the writers cramps I'm having,_

_Eleven 'professional masseuses',_

_Ten warnings to stay away from Stacy,_

_Nine loans of money I don't need,_

_Eight bags of chips,_

_Seven tips on how to date,_

_Six boring lectures on ethics,_

_Five broken canes!_

_Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,_

_Three failed marriages,_

_Two dogs high on Vicodin,_

_And a really, really funny name._

At the end was: _'Happy Hanukkah. Don't forget to light ALL the candles!"_

"It's middle of July!" hissed Wilson under his breath but couldn't help but laugh a little. Not to mention that Hanukkah only last eight days but he didn't want to spoil all of House's fun.

With friends like House who needed comedians?

IIIII

**Reviews PLEASE. It'll only take a minute.**


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